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These jokes are a continually-growing collection, and unfortunately, I can no longer remember which jokes I heard from whom.If you have ever told, emailed, or otherwise communicated to me a music joke, thank you. " Another violinist, standing by, offered the following helpful hint: "Write your repertoire." "Haven't I seen your face before? "You have, Your Honor," the man answered hopefully. He picked up his instrument and bow, and turned his attention to the conductor. After a couple of weeks, they agreed each to take an afternoon off in turn to go and watch the matinee performance from the front of house.Jacques Thibault, the violinist, was once handed an autograph book by a fan while in the greenroom after a concert. "I gave your son violin lessons last winter." "Ah, yes," recalled the judge. The conductor asked, "Would you like a moment to tune? Joe duly took his break; back in the pit that evening, Moe asked how it was. "You know that bit where the music goes `BOOM Boom Boom Boom'--well there are some guys up top singing a terrific song about a Toreador at the same time." There was a certain bartender who was quite famous for being able to accurately guess people's IQs." The bass player replied with some surprise, "Why? " At a rehearsal, the conductor stops and shouts to the bass section: "You are out of tune. " The first bassist pulls all his strings, says, "Our tuning is correct: all the strings are equally tight." The first violist turns around and shouts, "You bloody idiot! One night a man walked in and talked to him briefly and the bartender said, "Wow! You should meet this guy over here." So they talked for a while about nuclear physics and existential philosophy and had a great time.
Towards the end of the night, a man walked up with a wad of bills in his hand and asked me to play a jazz chord. As he took his seat God moved, in a mysterious way, to the podium and tapped his batton to bring the players to attention.After the concert the conductor came round looking for an explanation. "Those huge, rubbery, blubbery, slobbering slabs of meat; oh, it was just gross!